I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
