This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
