I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
