If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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