i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
