stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
