My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
