11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
