Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
