apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize