I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
