My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
