I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
