those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
