If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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