she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize