turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
