I hope mine doesn't look like that
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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