i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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