i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize