i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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