Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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