barbara walters just said penis...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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