Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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