We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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