how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize