it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
