Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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