Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
