i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
