In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
