im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize