Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
