Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
