She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
