I hate all girls vehemently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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