this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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