my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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