yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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