saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
