I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
