so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
