More tranny stories later!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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