I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
