I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
