Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
