dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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