I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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