I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
