Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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