I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
