I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
