i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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