My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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