Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no, he came in my armpit
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
