She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
