why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
