now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize